untitled (car crash)

Staring at the ceiling,
five AM--goddamnit, sun.
Rise.
Night on the walls,
like blood before air
Your face silent and calm.

Affinity like the highway,
A stretch of possibility,
always tarmac beneath our feet,
an understanding.

You know what I could only feel,
could never put into words--
intrinsic shock,
East of Eden and afraid
I will never know that someone loves me:

Snakebite of brake lights
red in the air,
A balking.
Thread between cars pulled short,
my ears comprehend the screech of
brakes, no time for a flash,
just the night like blood before air
and the brake lights screaming closer,
closer,
a single thought--
no.

You feel the pitch of my scream through my skin,
the flash of fear, too quick for my pulse,
my uneven breath a casual
intermittent gasping.
All these signals missed by normal ignorance,
but you knew it was the quiet terror of being alone:

Immobilizing fear
like the sky shrinking,
snakebites growing,
then
the smack of chest against seat belt
against airbag
like a building collided with my ribcage
Scream sucked into the
screech of metal crumbling
head knocked into the window.

You let me into your bed,
feel a love that never knew sex
or the oil of intention.
just the quiet attention of
care.

You,
The moment my head snapped back
towards the dashboard, and all I saw
aas the windshield cracked like frost,
glittering spider web of glass,
the sky like blood before air

You,
the rush of breath in my lungs,
panicked, ecstatic,
screaming.

You, the moment of unadulterated sweetness,
the hiss of the engine’s death throes,
the smell of rubber and smoke like
hell on earth, the most beautiful torment.

You,
I wouldn’t trade for heaven.

Your heat, a security,
Your breath, a litany of words I don’t know
how to say aloud--like
thank you for existing.

I didn’t know other people loved
without reason or romance,
that they could love.
No because.

Your eyes, shut,
a soft hem of black,
a thin harbor of skin shining.
Waiting for sunrise in your bed
sleep elusive
your lips smooth and blushed
Thank you for existing.